When Fear Became Reality!

I remember as a young girl overhearing a conversation my mother was having with some female friends from church. We were never allowed to be in the same room while adults were having adult conversations. This particular day, I left the room as told, but listened outside the door. It would be a conversation that would haunt me until adulthood. I never disobeyed my mother, but for some reason that I still can’t explain today, I took it upon myself to listen in on the conversation she was having with women of the church.

The conversation they were having was of a woman who had lost her husband. I was about 10 or maybe even 11 or 12, but what struck me was when one of the women used the word “WIDOW.” I didn’t understand the word then but I can tell you it terrified me to the core. I do remember what was stated and it went like this: Sister …..just lost her husband and my heart goes out to her, because now she is a Widow and her life will never be the same. I should never have been listening in on grownups conversations. The word WIDOW was new to me, I had never heard of someone being called this before and for some reason I was too young to understand, it terrified me.

I remember asking my mother what the word meant and she telling me and even though she always had a way with comforting me and my siblings, this word still frightened me. Unknowing to me, one day, I would become the word, title and name that terrified me so much. The word nightmares are made of. That word only one could think that only happens to other people, but could never happen to them. My sweet little bubble that I was living in suddenly burst!

June 4th, 2012, Grief and Widow rang my door bell and when I answered, it became the greatest, challenging, horrific time of my life. The word I was most frightened of and it’s best friend showed up at my door, moved in and began a reign of terror on my life.

There is nothing more menacing and painful than Grief, and to be accompanied by it’s best friend Widow, is almost too much for any person to comprehend. My husband was my best friend, someone I could always talk to, share my dreams, ambitions, goals, as well as the things that frightened me and went bump in the night with.

Never would I ever imagined that the one word that terrified me so much would show up at my door! I have learned to accept the fact that I am a “Widow,” but I will never allow it or it’s friend Grief to hold me down and neither should anyone else, whether you are a Widow or Widower!

This is a lonely journey, but one we all can conquer.

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11 thoughts on “When Fear Became Reality!

  1. I never really thought of it until my uncle passed and I saw my aunt. She didn’t know what to do because they had been married so long. When I saw that it hit me on how much two people become one…and what happens when one is gone.

          1. I can’t imagine. Speaking of counselors…I know they must mean so much.
            You had an earlier post about supporting someone going through grief. I can’t imagine what they are going through…no magic word to make things better and afraid of making it worse.
            I’m sure counselors are very helpful.

            1. Yes, I would recommend counseling for anyone traveling down this tough journey.
              You are correct. My sister lost her husband of over 20 years. He suffered a heart attack last year and passed away a few days after. I worried about her, but with God’s grace, family and friends love, and counseling she is doing much better. She has a great support system which makes it better for her.
              I am always available for her because having gone through myself, I know this journey is not an easy one to tackle.

                1. I hate it happened to her too. They were more than husband and wife. They were best friends. I totally understand what you mean. It’s truly sad that I can relate, but it helps me heal to be there for her, and it’s a good feeling to know I am helping my big sister!

                    1. It helps her because when she breaks down and I comfort her, I honestly know how she’s feeling because I’ve been there.