Broken Heart Syndrome

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Photo credit: bing.com/images

Peace can be the smallest or the largest of things.

Living in peace is something many of us want more than anything in this world.

Finding peace can sometimes be difficult, especially when one is dealing with the loss of a spouse. The grief journey goes on and on and feels like it’s never going to stop!

Grief has a way of opening doors for denial, depression, stress & anger, often times leading right up to acceptance and even death.

There have case studies done where a spouse has passed away leaving their husband and/or wife to mourn and grieve their death.

Scientists have proven that intense grief weakens the body’s immune system leaving it more vulnerable to infections.

This is called “Broken Heart Syndrome.”

Broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition that’s often brought on by stressful situations, such as the death of a loved one. The condition can also be triggered by a serious physical illness or surgery. People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they’re having a heart attack.

I found the article below and link to the daily mail to be pretty informative.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2120137/Broken-heart-kill-Losing-loved-really-CAN-make-die-broken-heart.html#ixzz54gOflVdt 

 

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Why We Die

Death and its entire process was introduced and came to pass as a direct result of sin. I am NOT saying that the death of our loved ones are the result of him or her being punished for a specific sin or sins. But we are all human beings, we are also sinners, and with that being said, we must ultimately face death.

Each of us will face God eventually and will be held accountable for our sins.

God promises that if we believe his son Jesus died for our sins, we will experience His forgiveness and thankfully, God keeps his promises to each of us.

We die a physical death because of Adam’s sin.

“The wages, or the penalty, of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23) Even though God has made this Abundantly clear; thankfully he makes it possible for each of us to escape eternal spiritual death by placing our faith in his son, Jesus Christ.

Supporting Others Struggling With Grief

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While going through our own Grief journey, we can still be a huge support to others struggling through their journey.

The loss of a loved one is never easy. Although it is something we all must face in life, it can be extremely difficult and often times faced with many challenges.
The journey called Grief is a journey that bars none. It doesn’t care who we are or what our status in life or society is. It enters our lives and rips it apart one piece at a time. It leaves us feeling intense and frightening emotions – including depression,
confusion, guilt, and anger.

Even if our Grief is still fresh, or it has been a few years, we can still provide comfort to someone else grieving the loss of their loved one. We should never allow discomfort to prevent us from reaching out to someone grieving.

After suffering a loss, one begins to live through the emotional turmoil involved in the process and journey. With that understanding, we can also provide comfort, kind words of encouragement and a sense of peace to those individuals whom may be suffering through a loss of their own. It always helps to have someone to lean on for support. Those of us who have suffered through our own grieving process can provide positive coping mechanisms to help someone else ease the pain and suffering they are experiencing.

It’s important for each of us to remember that Grief is a process, a journey that takes time to heal, to understand, to cope, to not feel like isolating one’s self anymore; and it is in those times, that the comfort, compassion, empathy, and sensitivity of another who has gone through this journey can be a huge asset to someone going through this journey called Grief!

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We Can Get Stuck in Our Grief

It’s extremely important to give ourselves permission to grieve, but sometimes we can go too far. Unfortunately, this will lead us to get stuck in our GRIEF!

I know this first hand. I was stuck in my Grief for quite some time and that included: Anger, Depression, Self- Pity, Unworthy, Cursed, Survivor’s Guilt, Extreme Envy and the list goes on and on.

Some of you may ask, why envy?

I can honestly tell you with complete purity. I was jealous of my husband because he had left this cruel, insane world and had gone on to a much better and happier place.

It is normal to have bad days. But we must ask ourselves if we have grown too fond and accustomed to the comfort and attention of others. We must also ask ourselves how is our anger with God affecting our grief journey? My anger with God was indeed affecting my grief!

Many times we can be on the path to healing and ambush ourselves by allowing self-pity to move in and take up residence in our thoughts.

There we go back down that Anger road again.

Yes, I am speaking from experience. What I tell you is coming straight from my own painful journey.

When I learned to accept God’s comfort, deal with my anger, realize time doesn’t heal all wounds, let go of the spotlight, read the book of Psalms, learn to trust God and remember he loves me, reconnect with others, monitor my thinking & behavior and realize Grief is not an identity, I was then able to move forward on my journey to healing!

Job was a man faithful to God who experienced the death of his children, the loss of his property and livelihood and then his health. At one point in time, he questioned God but then realized, with humble repentance, that his own view of the situation was limited and God knows all things, sees all things and has a perfect plan.

God asked, “Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?” Job humbly replied, “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand.” (Job 42:3)

Grief – The Sugar and Salt Process!

 

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When someone you love dies; often it doesn’t hit you all at once.  Often times it takes a while to register; your heart and mind are not accepting this event. Grief is a process and can appear at any time, or any place. Sometimes it creeps up on you like grains of salt or sugar. You may grieve in a happy way, remembering all the beautiful things your loved one said and places you traveled together. Remembering the many years spent together, silly things, like nights sitting by the fireplace, enjoying each other’s company. Remembering their smile, laughter, scent, their day to day activities; the love they had for their family, friends, pets, and life itself; can be so sweet that it helps the healing process, and through my Grief, I came to call this period the SUGAR PROCESS.  My memories of my loved ones were priceless and filled with unconditional love. This is why I gave this period of my grief journey that particular name.

Then there are the days that you can’t get out of bed; unimaginable pain and sorrow are just too great. Little things in life triggering a breakdown; Unable to pack your loved one’s personal effects, look at their photos, hear their favorite music, eat their favorite foods or visit their favorite places. This is what I have grown to call, the SALT PROCESS. When someone we love so much dies, it leaves a huge, gaping wound in our heart. Intense Grief can and will open that wound all over again. Creating thoughts of despair, releasing tension, anger, survivors’ guilt, fear, loss of appetite, depression and in many cases, hopelessness. It’s like pouring SALT on an open wound, not allowing it to heal. Often, it’s during this process, we can get stuck in our GRIEF! Love is Energy and we should all Live, Love & Laugh.
Enjoy your loved ones and give them their flowers while they are here on earth!

Anger With God After the Death of a Loved One

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Anger with God is always the result of a conclusion that a perfect God has treated us unjustly and that we have the right or the knowledge to judge God’s ways. We should take our heartfelt anger and pain to the Lord while holding on to the truths we know about Him. He is sovereign, faithful, trustworthy & righteous, and He has not wronged us.

We should talk to God.

God, I’ve been accusing You of things I know nothing about. You are God and Your good plan and Your perfect ways are beyond my comprehension. Someday I may understand, but for now, I will trust You.

Trusting God with our whole heart, helps mend the brokenness we are feeling and the distrust in him. He is mightier than mighty and his love is everlasting.  It may not make sense at first when our loved one dies, but in time, it will all make sense. We are only here temporarily and the lessons learned are for our own growth. We are all God’s children!

 

 

 

Learning to Forgive: Part 5 of 5

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When we sincerely mean the words we pray, God has forgiven every sin we have ever committed and will commit. There is something that we all must remember if we start to condemn ourselves. If we have surrendered control of our lives to God, our-day-to day life will become different.

Everyone is a sinner. And the penalty for sin is death, eternal death, separation from God. God sent Jesus to die to pay the penalty for our sins so that we don’t have to. In all of these things, we must continue to trust in Him, believe in him and talk to him. When we start feeling down, depressed, anxious, and guilty and/or empty inside, we should ask God to come into our lives, and give us the strength to make it through this difficult time.

God, I am a sinner in need of Your forgiveness. Thank you for sending Jesus to pay for my sin and raising Him from the dead to overcome the power of sin and death. Without him doing so, there’s no way I could be forgiven or get over the guilt I feel. I receive Your gift of salvation and I know with all of my heart, soul, and mind, you are good, loving & faithful, God. I choose to entrust my life to You. Come into my life, and give me the strength, love, courage, understanding, wisdom, humbleness, & patience to make it through today, tomorrow & always!

Learning to Forgive: Part 4 of 5

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Each and every one of us would love to receive God’s forgiveness. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:8-9)

Remembering God’s Love

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness.” (Psalm 130:1-4)
God’s forgiveness is a daily reminder of His unconditional love.

If we’ve trusted Christ to pay for our sins, we should also reflect upon the forgiveness we’ve experienced. It’s a constant reminder of His unparalleled love for us.

Sit and Talk to God

We should tell God we’ve ignored him, rejected him, shouted at him in anger and at times have wondered if he was truly good. Yet, here he is offering his unfailing love and forgiveness.
God, you love me so much. I can hardly believe it.

Learning to Forgive: Part 3 of 5

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Often times family and friends in an attempt to help a person grieving can say or do something that unintentionally hurts that person they are just trying to help.
This is why it is so important to write out or verbally discuss the things that are needed to assist us after we lose someone we love. Of course, family and friends want to be there and help out in many ways, But if there is no communication of the areas in which help is needed, sometimes there may be some confusion.

A PERSONAL MEMORY:

In an event to help me one day a friend of mine, went in my dresser and took my husbands clothing out without my permission, boxed them up and put them away in a closet in another room. I in one of my many breakdown moments went to the drawers where his clothing was supposed to be to get an item to hold, cry and possibly even smell, but the drawers were empty. I questioned the friend and they stated that his clothing was boxed up and placed in a closet in another room.
I immediately lost it and became angry. “How dare you touch his clothing, I stated as I stormed out of the room to go retrieve my husband’s clothing, it felt almost like I was going to save him from some sort of hurtful event. I just knew at that time, I had to go retrieve my husband’s clothing and how dare someone touch them.
After putting all of his clothing back into the dressers, I calmed down and later stopped and focused on a scripture in the book of {Job }
Then Job replied: “I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all!” Job 16:1-2

What a comforting scripture. God instilled in me the strength to apologize for my behavior.

ADVICE THAT IS HURTFUL AND INSENSITIVE

We must remember that we will receive “advice” that is insensitive and hurtful. Although other people may mean well, they often say the wrong thing.
We still must seek forgiveness from God for any resentment we are holding and/or harboring against these people.

This is why it is so important to talk to God.
God, when I think back on some of the comments that have been said to me, I burn with frustration, fury, rage, and anger!
I am hurt Father God; But I want to get better, not worse, so I’m choosing to forgive. Help me stay committed to this process.

Learning to Forgive: Part 2 of 5

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What it means to forgive someone is to focus on God’ love as we forgive those whom may have hurt us.

FORGIVENESS IS:

A process
A commitment
A choice
Allowing God’s love to flow through us
Obedience to God
Canceling a debt

As we continue to talk to God we should tell him that we do not agree with what someone has done, but we chose to let him rule our heart when it comes to the situation at hand. We should also ask God to help us surrender this to him so we may learn what it truly means to forgive.